I mean, the last post was like, over a year ago. I don't have a good explanation for you, but I do have some reasons. Whether you think they're good reasons or not will remain to be seen.
Having this project has been a contentious topic of "accountability" and "calling" amongst my friends, family and I. People are encouraging and often remind me of my gifts for articulating God's nature and telling stories. And I don't disagree-- I know those are my gifts. What gets tricky for me sometimes is the fact that this project was grounded and founded in God. This project is out to talk about what He's doing in my life and how He's growing me as a person while I still navigate the madness of this world.
Simply put: I can't fake this stuff.
You can fake a lot of content online. You can put filters on photos, you can post old photos from previous trips that make your life seem currently glamorous. You can photoshop and edit and crop to project an image of contentment and excitement that your followers will envy. I guess I could technically do all of that. I could tell stories of God's goodness that I've heard other people tell. I could repost quotes and phrases from pastors and writers that will get my pages more traction.
But I don't want to.
I want the people who interact with my content--people being, you-- to walk away from the moment as if they just sat down for coffee with me. I want you to feel encouraged and accompanied in your struggles. I don't have the right answers for most of life's questions. I don't know God fully. I haven't even read the entire Bible, but I am getting to know God's heart. And since the last time I posted on here, I've acquired a lot to say:
Many of you who follow closely know my mom unexpectedly passed away over the summer (2019). She was my best friend and counselor and spiritual leader. She knew Jesus like a friend and led a life that silently convinced others of His goodness. Her faith is the legacy she left and I hope to grab hold of at least an ounce of it.
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I moved into a new apartment with a new roommate. Turns out God knows the secret needs of our hearts before we endure hardship. He sets us up for comfort long before we ever think we'll need it.
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I started [seriously] writing again. I've got a couple longer works in the work. I'm nervous and excited and curious of how these will end up looking.
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I joined a new church and have watched God meet me in super specific and affirming ways that remind me He sees every step we take, even when they're years apart.
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My heart started to break more and more for those who don't know God.
I can no longer keep my mouth shut.
So, I won't make any promises other than I'm going to do my best to be obedient to what He's telling me to write and when to write it. I'm going to do my best to be bold about my life and the story He's telling through it.
What are some of your goals for 2020? Do you have any? Do any of them kinda scare you? The thought of publishing a book scares my insides out. But it also excites me and challenges what I think I'm capable of completing. I want to read more and watch less. I want to write more and listen closely. I want to love God so well that I love those around me really well, too.
This post is a bit all over the place, which is just like my writing journal and brain. But like I said, I've got a lot to say and I can't wait to share with you. The winds are changing over here and ya girl is grabbing her kite. (I've missed these metaphors....)